


A Silent Night

by xo_marauders



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 05:53:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18067814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xo_marauders/pseuds/xo_marauders
Summary: Sirius has been lying low at Lupins.





	A Silent Night

**Author's Note:**

> (TW: panic attacks, nightmares, eating issues)

Remus Lupin lied awake in the small bedroom of his cottage, trying desperately to ignore Sirius Back’s screaming coming from across the hall. He wanted to go and comfort the other man, hold him in his arms and whisper soothing things into his ear, easing him out of whatever nightmare was tormenting him in his sleep.

But he doesn’t. He doesn’t get to do that anymore...

The only reason Sirius was even at his house was because Dumbledore had sent him there to “lie low” after learning about Voldemort’s return. Remus snickered at this. It wasn’t in Sirius’ nature to lie low when he thought others, especially his Godson, to be in danger.

Remus winced as he heard something crash against the wall or floor in the room Sirius was staying in. He had probably woken up and thrown the table lamp across the room in efforts to protect himself from whatever was attacking him in his sleep. Remus would fix it in the morning so that Sirius could hurl it across the room again the next night.

The screaming had finally stopped which Remus knew meant the crying had begun. In a few minutes or hours he was sure he’d hear Sirius hollering out for James and muttering apologies to Lily. He still couldn’t bring himself to go comfort his old friend. Besides, he’d be crying his own tears soon enough.

Just make it to the morning, he thought. Just make it to the morning...

—

“Morning.”

Remus greeted Sirius with a small smile as Sirius walked into the kitchen where Remus had been up for hours, distracting himself by cleaning dishes and making tea. He didn’t use magic, instead opting to do the tasks the muggle way like his mother had taught him. It was soothing.

Sirius grunts his reply, sitting down on one of the three chairs Remus has around his tiny kitchen table. The werewolf tried not to stare at the other mans protruding collar bone and how the pants he had borrowed hung too loosely on his hips. He didn’t want to focus on the lack of color in his face and brightness in his eyes. This was not his Sirius.

“Stop.”

Remus blinked a few times in surprise. Sirius’ voice was raspy and hoarse from screaming so much but it was firm, nonetheless. Remus flushed slightly at being caught staring at the thin man. Sirius just looked at him with a hollow gaze.

Tired, Remus thought. He looks tried.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re staring at me. Stop it. I don’t like being stared at.”

Remus’ brows furrowed. He remembered a time when Sirius would do almost anything to get Remus to stare at him. He swallows uncomfortably and turns back to the sink, not sure what to say back. They sat quietly, the only thing daring to break the silence between them was the water running in the sink as Remus washed and rewashed the same dishes over and over, wondering how they got to where they are.

He hadn’t even noticed that Sirius had left the room until he heard a loud noise come from the bathroom. Despite his knees protests, Remus ran down the hall and into the room where Sirius sat on the floor, blood dripping from his hand and onto the tile around him. The mirror that was hung on the wall was now in shards around the raven haired man, reflecting the ceiling.

“Sirius–“

“I came in to wash up. I thought I saw something in the mirror. I broke it...”

“That’s okay.”

Remus quietly mends Sirius’ bloody knuckles and then fixes the mirror. The raven haired man stares at him all the while in a pleading fashion but Remus doesn’t know what he wants. Once he’s finished with the mirror, he lets his gaze meet Sirius’ and he contemplates opening his arms and allowing the other man to fall into them, but he doesn’t. Instead he stands up and groans at the pain in his joints.

“Come eat

“Breakfast?” He asks. Sirius gives a small nod and follows him back into the kitchen.

Remus places a piece of toast and some sausage in front of Sirius before he makes his way to his seat across the table. Sirius just stares at the plate, not daring to touch anything on it.

“You need to eat, Sirius.”

“Not hungry.”

The werewolf frowns at this comment, knowing very well that Sirius is hungry or at least needs to get something into his stomach. Starving for twelve years in Azkaban had deteriorated Sirius’ health tremendously, along with his appetite.

“You’ll feel better if you eat.”

The thin man sighed and began eating slowly, his hands shaking slightly with every movement. Remus watched discreetly and eventually, Sirius had ate half of everything on his plate. As he glanced across the table, Remus gave him a reassuring smile before getting up to put the dishes in the sink.

He’s getting better, Remus thought to himself. He’s getting there...

—

More screaming that night. Remus stared up at his ceiling yet again, wishing he could bring himself to just go to Sirius. But he couldn’t. He and Sirius weren’t like that anymore. He wasn’t sure they ever would be...

He waited and listened for the other mans broken voice to start crying out for James but was surprised when he heard his own name being hollered. He quickly sat up and got out of bed, throwing a jumper on and snatching his wand off the nightstand before making his way down the hallway.

“Sirius?” He spoke softly as he entered the room, the door squeaking slightly as he nudged it open. Sirius was thrashing about underneath the worn sheets Remus never got around to replacing. His boney knuckles were white and they grasped the blankets tightly as he cried out for Remus over and over.

Remus quickly made his way over to Sirius, gently shaking him awake. Sirius’ eyes flew open and he sat up in bed, his fists flying up to hit whatever was tormenting him. Remus’ werewolf instincts were quicker though, and grasped a hold of the other mans wrists tightly, feeling guilty at the fact that they would probably bruise the boney wrists. Sirius just screams out at him, shaking violently, seeming to still be in his hallucinating state.

“No! No! Please! Remus! Please, Remus!” Sirius’ voice broke with sobs and Remus felt his heart contracting as he stared helplessly into the other mans clouded eyes.

“Sirius, it’s okay. You’re safe. We’re safe.”

“No! No! I’m sorry! Please I’m sorry...Remus, James, Lily...Remus, James, Lily...Remus, James, Lil-“

“Hey. Wake up. It’s me. I’m here. I’m real.”

Sirius shook his head so violently Remus was afraid he’d get whiplash.

“None of you are real. You’re in my head.”

“No, Sirius. You’re safe. I’m real. We’re here. In my house. You’re not in Azkaban.”

Sirius blinked. His eyes coming into focus as he looked around the room and then letting his gaze fall on Remus.

“....Real?” He lifts a hand up to cup Remus’ cheek desperately running his fingers across the scars on the other mans face.

Remus nods.

“Real.”

Sirius’ piercing gray eyes stare at Remus for a long moment, still trying to process where he is and the fact that Remus is real. His mind screams at him that it’s not real, that none of this is real but he desperately wants it to be. He wants Remus to really be there touching him and holding him how he is. Oh, how he missed Remus’ touch...

“Sirius?”

Remus gently combs back Sirius’ hair with his hands, causing the other mans eyes to flutter shut at the sensation. Oh, Remus...

“Moony...” He says, as he leans into the touch, his voice raspy and quiet. For a moment everything’s fine. Remus is there holding him, touching him. Remus is there. Everything is what it once was and nothing else matters. Nothing except for Remus Lupin and his gentle touch and his soft gaze. And he can’t let the moment pass without leaning up and pressing his lips against the man’s before him.

Remus was surprised and hesitant to kiss Sirius back. But it was so familiar and for how unfamiliar everything else had been he found himself clinging onto this. Their mouths moved together perfectly, as if remembering everything they had forgotten. It seemed to last so very long yet not long enough as they finally pulled away from one another.

Then it’s silent aside from the sounds of their heavy breathing. Remus’ ears are ringing and Sirius’ eyes are shut.

Not wanting to disturb the moment, Remus gently slides into bed next to Sirius who gives him a look of surprise and...hope? Their bodies fit together like they always had during their years at Hogwarts. Their hearts beat contently as they lie there with one another, limbs tangled within limbs, enjoying the silence and eventually falling into a dreamless sleep. They hadn’t had a silent night in so long.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading
> 
> Tumblr: @xomarauders


End file.
